Lesson One: Romantic Love

 Dear Everest,
  
    One of my biggest hopes for you is that you will never met two individuals that are more in love than your mother and me. I love your mother with more feelings and emotion than I ever thought capable of feeling. The night before your mother told me she wanted to marry me, I had a dream. In the dream I was at a crowded amusement park. I knew I was looking for something, but I couldn't figure what. I saw girls I had known in my life: some I had dated, some I had wanted to, and some that were merely friends. Night began to set in and as I started toward a stone arch that marked the exit of the park I realized that when I crossed under it I would be without hope of finding the object of my search. In the last moments a girl from my youth approached and as we talked I came to two realizations.

     First, that I was there to find my wife. Second, this girl was most definitely not her. Hopelessness came over me and I felt I was destined to walk under the arch alone. Yet, as I approached it I saw a woman sitting on top of it. It was your mother. She greeted me with an expression of amused patience and the words, “What took you so long?” There was no question in my mind, no second of hesitation or doubt. She was the one. She jumped down from the arch, flying with the grace of an angel to my side. And we walked hand and hand through the arch. I didn’t marry your mother because of that dream. I had that dream because I had already decided I was going to marry your mother. I choose her and she choose me.


    The saying goes that you can’t help who you love. I suppose there may be a semblance of  truth in that when I comes to attraction. (Slight since I have found your mother more beautiful everyday since I fell in love.) However, attraction is not love. Love is a choice. Many have used that false statement to justify “falling out of love.” After all, if you can’t control who you love, you can’t control if it goes away. What utter nonsense. People don’t fall out of love, son, they just begin making selfish decisions again. I chose your mom. There was no “all powerful force” pushing me into her arms. I got to know her, realized how incredible she and how happy who she was made me, and I chose to fall in love with her. That choice culminated in my decision to completely give myself to her. Her happiness became inseparably connected to mine and I have never regretted that decision since.

    Love has been manipulated to refer only the rewards that result from love. Love is not music playing when she comes around. Love is not whispering sweet nothings during stolen moments together. And love has absolutely nothing to do with being happy as the world defines it. Love is simply when you become half of a whole. Love means binding yourself to a person of your choosing and forgetting how to function without her. Love is effort. It means working hard to provide for your spouse. It means learning to put up with many things that displeases you. It means forgetting to care about your happiness in exchange for hers. It means forming a family. It means having children. It means learning to live on a lack of sleep. It means learning to live with a lack of money. It means learning to handle the stress that will ensue from the aforementioned conditions. That is love.

     It is easy to be deceived. When you first begin courtship the rewards will seem to be instantaneous with seemingly zero effort. You’ll feel like your walking on air, like life is a musical and animals and flowers are actually singing to you when you're not looking. In fact love is so great you won't even realize the reason you’re giddy is because you’re being selfless in favor of someone you care about deeply. You are caring about her happiness, you're sacrificing everything to be with her, you're working hard to keep her smiling. If you are deceived in that way, somewhere down the road you may begin to feel like love has lost its luster. The thrill isn’t there anymore and you never have any “you” time. In other words, your carnal instinct for selfishness will begin to fight back. You may fail to realize that the reason you were happy is because you were living a life vastly richer than a self absorb existence.

    Many people are deceived and feel the only good thing about a relationship is the beginning. Yes, there is an element of mystery and excitement from new love, but there is absolutely zero reason why this ever need disappear. In truth, the rewards can over shadow the effort your entire life as long so you stop worrying about yourself and care only for her. Love, like anything else, does not lose its majesty by being known. But it requires what I have mentioned: work, sacrifice, and effort.

    Now you may be thinking why in the world should I bother with love? The answer is because of the rewards I have already mention. When you put forth that effort, then is the time that you start to hear music play when she smiles. That is the point where times only purpose is to count down the minutes until you see her. When your greatest joy is having her in the nook formed by your arm and chest. That is when you buy daises. It’s when your attraction for her becomes so strong you're shocked when you can focus on anything else. That is the point where you can look at her with your baby boy and be willing to give anything you own to stay with them and the only thing that could tear you away is your desired to give them everything they need. We define love by the rewards. This makes sense since the rewards are unparalleled by anything else on earth. That’s because love is celestial. But love is some much more than the rewards. Remember that rewards can never be separated from sacrifice and effort most especially with love.

    Now Everest, directly associated with the rewards of love is the gift of physical intimacy. You may feel that because the ability to have this intimacy is in your control that it belongs to you. It doesn’t. It belongs to your future spouse. It is hers and hers alone. To give that power to another is to rob your wife of the most valuable gift you can give her. Guard that gift as you would the riches of the earth. Know that the time to give that gift is after your have officially bonded yourself to her before men and God. Only then will the gift bless you as much as it blesses the woman you give it to. And only then will the results increase the rewards of love, rather then detract from them. The world has forgotten much of this. They have forgotten the definition of love and seek only the rewards. In the end, they lose the rewards they sought. Work hard against that influence that will drive you to forget.

    Ultimately, the moment you will know you are experiencing love to its full extent will come with a realization of inadequacy. You will once again begin to think of yourself, not in selfish terms but in all the ways you need to be better. Son, you may never feel that you are good enough for your wife. It isn’t true, of course, but you will begin to question how it is possible to live up to the walking definition of what you consider perfection. I will not tell you to ignore or respond with apathy to this feeling. It is there to push you every day to be better. Your wife does deserve the best man you can be and, Everest, as a son of God, your best IS perfection. As you begin to strive with all your heart to be worthy of your beautiful bride, the inadequacies will cease to be prevail and you will need less correction to feel equal to your wife. Never forget to make the Lord a part of this process.

    There is still much you will need to know about courtship and making a marriage eternal. For now it’s enough simply to make sure you understand what true love is. Like I said, I love your mother, Ev. My life has lost meaning as an individual and cannot be explained without her by my side. She is the reason I wake up in the morning, she is the reason sunlight is exciting, and she is the sweet dream through the night. I am so excited for you to experience the love that your mother and I share. Love is waiting, Everest, and no words can prepare you for the heaven that awaits being truly, irrevocably, and unequivocally in love.